I woke up on the wrong side of...pregnant

Yesterday was a very weird day for me. I woke up at 6:30 not feeling like myself--I wasn't feeling sick, or cranky but I just felt DIFFERENT. As I mentioned before, the crazy hormones come on suddenly, unexpected, and present themselves in an unpredictable way!

My weird mood immediately got worse when I decided to put on jeans (sadly I've been wearing sweats to class almost every day--we can get away with that in PT school). I grabbed the biggest pair of jeans I own and put them on (unbuttoned of course with a belly band) and a real shirt...that I had to change 6 times before finally settling on a t-shirt. Don't get me wrong, I'm fine with my belly growing and gaining baby weight. What I wasn't ok with is how uncomfortable I was in these clothes and how unflattering they were.

The thing about the belly band is that it was great for a while (belly bands allow you to wear your jeans unbuttoned without it showing or being a problem). However, lately when I wear it, everything is secure and covered while standing but as soon as I sit down the band rolls up above my pants and then the jeans cut into belly. The end result--very uncomfortable.

I'm standing in my closet wearing this and catch myself on the verge of tears which leads me to get mad because i'm not one to come close to crying over something so silly. Somehow this then turned into me being mad at Cody because he's not ever here to watch me go through these weird things of pregnancy or to feel the baby kick, etc. Once I get upset about him not being here I really got weird--frustrated with being pregnant while still in school--stressed about how we are going to afford a baby with me not working--stressing about how I'm going to juggle clinicals, classes, studying for licensing exam and taking care of the baby--the list went on and on.

I skipped my first class because I was in no condition to be around people. I made it to my second class but only after a minor freak out because I couldn't find my classroom. Once again I've got tears in my eyes=mad at myself for being silly. I make it to class and sit next to Kim who immediately notices that there's something different about me and asks "who are you"? For the last 2 years I have spent almost all day in a small classroom with the same 32 people. We know each other very well.

As class went on I quit freaking out but I couldn't shake this feeling that I was a different person. Sounds crazy but I felt like there was this fog constantly crowding my brain. I never was in a bad mood really, and I wasn't upset anymore but I was saying and doing weird things all day. The best way I can describe how I was acting was as if I had too much to drink and no one else had. That feeling like you know you're the weird and slightly inappropriate one so you're trying very hard to act normal but are very aware of the fact that you are doing a poor job of it.

I did, ever so insightfully at 20 weeks pregnant, point out to my classmates that I was finally giving in to the maternity jeans "because they might actually fit better than my normal clothes". Good thing I'm working on a doctorate degree or I might not have come up with that brilliant statement!

I survived the crazy hormones this day. I just now wish that not so many people got to witness them...